I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
