Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
