More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
