this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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