Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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