Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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