Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
