SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
