I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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