i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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