Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize