I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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