We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
