i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
