The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize