we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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