So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
