Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
