he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize