for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
