does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize