hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I faked an abortion last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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