my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
