nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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