we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize