apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Holy shit dude........stairs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
