does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
