Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
