Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize