She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
