After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
