I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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