I'm jealous of your bromance
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
