So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
