I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
