my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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