what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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