I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
