My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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