My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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