Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
