i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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