dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize