exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
