and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
