is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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