I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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