What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
