If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
