i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
