Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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