No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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