When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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