SEEEEXXX PLEASE
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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