what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
