Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
