this just has baby written all over it
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
