yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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