...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Randomize
