**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
