I will die if light touches me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
