Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Congratulations! We have a period
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