Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize