I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
