your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
