the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i think my cat just said my name.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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