I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
