You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
