You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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