Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
