You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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