I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
