I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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