if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Actions speak louder than pants.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All the doctor said was why
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
