Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
