did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
