4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
one might say we're banned from that church
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
