They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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