Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
