the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
why do cheetos always look like penises
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
