Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
