Where is the hickey?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
