Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
