She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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