I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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