trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
