Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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