is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
