During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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