the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
