so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
