After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize